San Francisco, CA

Yes, there are places worth checking out at and around the Fisherman’s Wharf / Pier 39 area. Even if you are a local, there are things to be seen. But mostly, you’re going to find cheesy souvenirs and those black-and-white “escaped from Alcatraz mental hospital” outfits that I’m going to go ahead and hope you wouldn’t ever buy. So you want to make sure that you do enough of the tourist thing to say that you’ve been there but you don’t get stuck in the stores and sales down there. Here are 5 places to hit (and then get yourself away from) in the area:

1. Musee Mecanique – This is the only reason that I ever go to the Fisherman’s Wharf area if I’m not taking a house guest there to look around. In fact, the only times I’ve ever gone to the area alone, it’s to go here. Admittedly, that’s because I have an obsession with Ms. Pacman (on my old MySpace account, I listed “someone who could beat me at Ms. Pacman” under “who I want to meet” – I still haven’t). And this old arcade museum feeds that addiction for only fifty cents at a time. But it’s good for everything – a spot to show visitors, a place to play old games for a few hours with friends, a quirky date. You can stick with SkeeBall and pinball games or you can put your quarters into the strange old games that have been around since … probably before you were. Get photo booth pictures done to commemorate it.

2. Chowders – You have to get clam chowder in a bread bowl if you’re down in this area. There are only two places that I recommend getting it down there. The first is over at the street vendors that are right there at Fisherman’s Wharf, although I stay away from that area simply because the birds that scavenge around there annoy me too much to eat well there. So, instead, I go to Chowders at Pier 39. It’s totally cheesy and touristy, but it’s got cheap clam chowder compared to all of the other restaurants in the area. And they’ve got both the traditional white and the red. And they have fried veggies of all kinds.

3. The Sea Lions – Okay, I’m not saying that you should go over here all of the time just for fun. But you should go and see them to say that you’ve seen them. Think about it, in how many other cities does your local wildlife include sea lions as well as wild parrots and incarcerated bison? And really, the sea lions are a total laugh if you pay attention to them. They’re always trying to push each other off of the docks, they make the most ridiculous of noises and the way the parents treat the babies is terrifically amusing. You can say you’ve been to Pier 39 and you can see the view of Alcatraz while getting some real entertainment. It’s free.

4. The Bushman – He’s almost always down there. What you see in terms of street performance down there depends on your preferences. I, personally, thought the silver robots were great five years ago and wouldn’t stop now for much reason at all. Likewise, I’ve seen enough breakdancing so unless it’s amazing, I’m walking on by. But every single person I know pauses if they come across the Bushman because, despite the fact that this dude is basically famous, there are a whole bunch of tourists that don’t know the bush is about to jump out of them. And sometimes, he’s in a bad mood and gets annoyed with people who don’t tip to watch which, in itself, is pretty amusing. Seriously, though, if you see a show of any kind and you like the performance, it is worth your dollar to donate. Where else do you get entertainment for a dollar?

5. Sit by the water – Yes, really. It doesn’t matter whether you do it right here or you walk further west to Aquatic Park where there’s a bit of a beach. Take the time to take a look at the Bay. It’s a gorgeous place. The fog is magical. The bridge, Angel Island, and Alcatraz all make their marks in the landscape. When we are lucky enough to live (or visit) a place as beautiful as this, we should be smart enough to take the time to enjoy it.